Question regarding Feast Days in Penitent Seasons

Okay, so we're in Advent, which is a penitent season. But there are a whole bunch of feast days, obviously, including last Monday's Feast of the Immaculate Conception. I understand that not all of the feast days are obligatory -- some folks feasted on St. Nicholas Day, some didn't. Some are feasting today for Our Lady of Guadelupe, some aren't.

So how does this work if a feast day comes up that you want to celebrate (patron saint, say) during a penitent season? Do you observe penitent practices except for the evening meal? Observe the feast all day and resume the penitent practices the next day?

--Sparki

Interesting conversation yesterday...

...With a young woman who identifies herself as Catholic, but believes she's better off interpretting the Bible for herself. Consequently, she's established her own moral code which differs from the Church's in quite a few significant areas. She's actually rather proud of her stance on premarital sex -- in a nutshell, it's "Just wait for Mr. Right and then you don't have to wait for the wedding."

I asked her many, many times what made her more qualified to interpret the Bible and establish rules for moral conduct than the Church, but she never answered. Though she did admit that she hadn't yet read the Bible cover to cover, only knew how to read in English, and wasn't all that clear on Catholic doctrine.

I listened to her sweet raptures of love and devotion for her current boyfriend who "will never cheat" and whom she loves so much, she would never marry another, even if he was suddenly killed tomorrow and it meant pining away for him for life. I listened to her tell me that "love is all that you need to keep a marriage alive" and refrained from laughing at her, even though I've been married for 9.5 years and I know better.

I suggested that these days of dating and engagment (whenever that happens) might be a good time for this young woman and her boyfriend to prove their faithfulness to the marital covenant by resisting their greatest temptation -- each other. How valuable such a gift would be to one another! She said she didn't get it.

She claims the best thing she can do is to follow her own heart. I pointed out that the Bible says "The heart is deceitful above all things." She accused me of wishing bad things on her, and I noted that all I wished for her was marital fidelity and everything she would need besides love to make her marriage last for life -- where those bad things?

She ended our conversation abruptly, calling me a know-it-all.

Well. I remember being in my early 20s and in love and thinking I knew what was best for me and not recognizing my own ignorance and lack of experience. It caused me a lot of pain in the end. I pray this girl will be spared the same level of pain.

I'm not surprised she discounted everything I had to say. After all, if a person rejects 2,000 years of wisdom held by the Catholic Church -- with years of "fruit-bearing" to prove its doctrines -- why would she listen to somebody like me?

--Sparki

Please pray...

...for my brother-in-law. He is really struggling with depression and is beginning to despair about finding a job close to family. He's also thinking that he will have to sell the house they just bought last summer. He's been working so hard to renovate it and make it a home for his little girl, and now it looks like he will have to let it go unless a good job comes to him soon. Very soon.

His wife is reported to be dating somebody else. She started a job yesterday, so she's employed and he's not, which means he hopes to hold off on any legal steps regarding divorce and custody right now.

He's right -- if he's unemployed, she'd probably get custody, even though she doesn't have a permanent address, she abandoned both her husband and her child, and her behavior has been terribly erratic for the last five months. The courts here tend to favor mothers 15 to 1 in custody arrangments. We know of precious few fathers who have fought for primary custody and won, and in every case, there was an issue of the wife's arrest record or institutionalization in a mental health facility that went to the man's favor. Of course, we also know of some cases in which the wives gladly handed over the children to the father. But there's honestly no telling what Heidi would do if it came down to legalities. She's so very much not at all like she was even last spring, none of us can predict what she would want in terms of custody.

So, my brother-in-law needs a job, and he needs one soon. And it needs to be local, because if he has to move out of state, he's sure he won't get primary custody of his daughter. We're doing what we can to encourage him, but the poor guy is faced with such a huge multi-faceted crisis, our words bear little comfort.

--Sparki

Feast of the Immaculate Conception

My first, of course.

Just now back from noon Mass at our parish (well, I ate some lunch before logging on). I'd forgotten that the Bishop was celebrating noon Mass at St. Mary's today. It was packed, as usual on a Holy Day of Obligation. All the folks who work downtown crowd in there. Sr. Mary, who leads the choir, had to make due with a quartet today -- I don't know if the other choir members were ill or just unable to come to the noon Mass, but she did well with them. Very simple arrangements, sometimes with just two voices. It was humble, but a lovely effect, I thought.

The Bishop covered a lot of ground in his homily, as is his custom, I think. I haven't heard him speak all that often, but I'm always left with lots to think about. In fact, I started pondering what he said about Mary's grace, purity and humble devotion, and how these were virtues she prayed for us to share in, then suddenly realized I was missing the next thing the Bishop was trying to teach me.

He spoke about the things that Mary did and how they were all ordinary tasks like sweeping the floor and shopping for food or clothing. And how in doing these things quite literally for the Lord, she was fulfilling her vocation in profound ways. Then he reminded us not to be so concerned about how mundane our lives might seem, but to use every task before us as an opportunity to do our best for God.

I got lost in a train of thought over that part and again had to bring myself back into the homily, because the Bishop was talking about why the Church honors Mary. "Because God does," he said. "Christ needed a mother. And while on the Cross, He gave His mother to us, because we need her, too." He spoke some about how Mary prays for us, and what she seeks on our behalf.

Then he closed with a rejoiner that we should seek to be pure in our lives, "if not in absolute innocence," he said, "in repentance." He encouraged us to make our confessions regularly and to not neglect our daily prayers and other habits that train our souls to holiness.

It was probably one of the best homilies I have heard in my less-than-eight months as a Catholic. I know a lot of folks out there don't think too much of our Bishop here in southeastern Nebraska -- he's "too strict" or "too unyielding" or "a hardnose" -- but I hope the naysayers might get an opportunity to hear him speak sometime. I find him to be very inspiring. And also full of joy. You should have seen him outside on the sidewalk after Mass, greeting parishoners and blessing every child that came near him. He's really a very nice guy.

Anyway, I hope your day is filled with blessings!

--Sparki

Catholicism is Complicated!

Okay, you all know I'm still new at this but yowza! I have been researching ways to observe Advent, and I am completely overwhelmed at the vast number of options out there. I know, I know -- we don't have to do everything. But I keep coming across things that sound way cool, and I find myself disappointed that I won't be able to do very many of them.

Zooey had preschool snack duties today, and since tomorrow is St. Nicholas Day, we got permission to gussy up the snack a bit. Zooey wanted to bring raisin bread, which was fine by me. Although he wanted to bake from scratch and I just couldn't pull that off this week, so we settled for purchasing a couple of loaves.

We added one of these coloring pages to the mix, copying a brief story about St. Nicholas on the opposite side, as well as a short prayer that reads, "Dear God, thank you for Saint Nicholas. Let us always give the gift of kindness to others, as he did. Thank you for the gifts of love we receive from our families and friends. Amen." Then we stitched up a little sack from the sleeve of an old dark green t-shirt and filled it with one chocolate coin per child -- symbolizing the coins that St. Nicholas put in a trio of sisters' stockings in order to help out their needy family.

In fact, chocolate stuff is such a recurring theme in St. Nicholas celebrations that I have begun to wonder if he's not also the patron saint of chocolate?

All this came from the St. Nicholas Center on the web. While there, I also found a lot of recipes, including one for a raisin bread (it actually has chocolate chips in it, too!) called Biskkupsky Chelbicek, which I might make with Zooey tomorrow. (Scroll down a bit -- it's the second recipe.) There are many other cookie and candy recipes on the site as well. In fact, I'm a big fan of Dutch Letters -- basically flakey pastry filled with almonds and shaped like the letter S, and I was pleased to find out that this confection is actually a traditional St. Nicholas Day treat. Unfortunately, I do not have time to bake them, and the nearest bakery that I know carries Dutch Letters is all the way over in Iowa (and boy are they yummy). They'll ship, but I didn't know about them being related in St. Nicholas in time to order any.

I understand that tomorrow's evening meal ought to be something of a feast -- I may just add dessert to the menu, since we hardly ever include dessert with our regular suppers. And we'll hang up the stockings tonight, too, though I'm not at all prepared to fill them while the children sleep. For this year, anyway, we will stick to the Christmas morning tradition that both my family and my husband's family kept. Or maybe I'll put in a little treat for the children to find tomorrow and do the rest on Christmas morning.

Sheesh...it's only 11:15 my time and I'm already behind for the day! Time to get Zooey from school and learn how his treat went over with the class...

--Sparki

Okay, I knew that the Von Trapp family commemorated in the musical The Sound of Music were real people with a real story to tell, but I never read any history of them.

Today, I stumbled upon Maria Von Trapp's writings on celebrating the Liturgical Year, and there is some great stuff in there!

Here's an excerpt:

This atmosphere of "hurry up, let's go" does not provide the
necessary leisure in which to anticipate and celebrate a feast. But as
soon as people stop celebrating they really do not live any more -- they are being lived, as it were. The alarming question arises: what is being done with all the time that is constantly being saved? We invent more machines and more gadgets, which will relieve us more and more from the work formerly done by our hands, our feet, our brain, and which will carry us in feverishly increasing speed -- where? Perhaps to the moon and other planets, but more probably to our final destruction.

Only the Church throws light onto the gloomy prospects of modern
man--Holy Mother Church--for she belongs, herself, to a realm that has its past and present in Time, but its future in the World Without End.

I wonder if I can find this in book form? Can't hang out on the net all day, reading Maria Von Trapp...

--Sparki

A Blessed Advent Season To You!

Our family observance is off to a good start, I think.

We modified a suggestion offered by Peony Moss meant to encourage self-sacrifice during the season: Saturday, I helped Zooey make a little manger out of a cardboard box. We cut strips of straw-colored tissue paper, and every time one of us makes a personal sacrifice for the sake of somebody else, we're putting a piece of tissue into the manger to create a "nice soft bed for Baby Jesus." The role of Newborn King will be played by one of Edyn's small baby dolls on Christmas morning.

Zooey caught onto the process readily on Sunday and by the end of the day, there were 11 strips of tissue paper in the cardboard manger. Not all earned by Zooey, either -- he was quick to point out when his dad got him a snack without being asked and a couple of other things. Even Edyn earned one "for giving Grandma back her toy car when she dropped it." (Okay, so Grandma dropped it on purpose, but Edyn did return it without prompting). I imagine the fun of it all will wear out in a day or two, but it sure was nice to see Zooey volunteering to help around the house and even wipe Edyn's nose.

We also lit the first candle of our new Advent wreath, using the directions, prayers and Scripture found in our weekly Diocese newspaper. We've actually had an Advent wreath for several years, but we just lit the candles, we didn't read any pertinent passages from the Bible or say any prayers. The new wreath is brass, purchased on sale a couple months ago. But it looks a little too austere, so I'm going to dig out the old one (jerry-rigged from four small candle bases, putty, a wooden disc and some pre-made faux pine "picks") and borrow the greenery off it to dress it up a bit.

I've begun work on a special project for Advent that I hope the Lord will bless me with time to finish. So far, it seems to be turning out well.

I have sketchy plans for a few other endeavors, too. We'll see how far I can get, though. You'd think at 7 months of pregnancy, the morning sickness would be over and done with, but I'm suffering a relapse today. Bleh...say, what's the theology of using morning sickness as a form of penance for Advent?

--Sparki

Thanksgiving for a Safe Return

My husband, in-laws and my mother-in-law's parents all returned safely from Missouri yesterday. Turned out everybody refused to drive the rental truck except my husband. After seeing it pull into the farmyard, I can understand why. A 15' truck is really, really big. Big enough that is makes you wonder that average folks are even allowed to rent such monstrosities and drive them over state lines without a special license.

But no mishaps. It was a lot bigger (and when fully loaded, heavier) than anything my husband had ever driven before, but he did all right. The worst part of the trip was that his mother rode alone with him -- knuckles white, lips pursed, blood pressure skyrocketing -- telling him to slow down every time they headed downhill. A truck like that sure picks up speed on the downhill stretches of road.

The kids and I drove out to the farm at 7:30 p.m. to pick him up. Edyn, who was virtually napless all day, slept on the way out while Zooey and I sang Christmas songs and chatted a bit about things like why cattle yards smell so bad. (They don't all smell bad, but some are pretty sloppy about manure management, and those will get you. And yeah, we passed one on the way out to the farm.)

When we climbed out of our vehicle, Zooey was flabbergasted at the vast number of stars in the sky. It was a very clear night, and out in the country, there are fewer competing lights, so the number of stars you can see is at least tripled. It was like being in the middle of the Milky Way. We stood there for a minute and stared at God's workmanship, but it was pretty chilly and I had to get Edyn inside.

It is SOOOOOO good to have my husband home again. I know, he was only gone 51 hours, but I missed him greatly. And yesterday, my pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me so every little mishap felt like a major catastrophe. My husband is the emotional rock in our household. When I'm pregnant & weepy like this and ready to fall apart, even just a look in his direction is enough to get me back on track.

I imagine we'll be heading out to the farm again tomorrow to help unload. My husband has a gig tonight & I'm trying to catch up on some tasks this afternoon, so today was out for us.

--Sparki

Ides of March, Nothing -- Beware Friday-After-Thanksgiving Sales!

Here's another reason I don't shop at Walmart. It attracts the worst elements of our society. In this particular case, a woman first in line for cheap DVDs at the Walmart's annual Friday-After-Thanksgiving "Doorbuster" sale was trampled, knocked unconscious and suffered a seizure. Most people simply stepped over or on her so that they could collect the coveted $29 piece of junk and keep on shopping. In fact the EMTs who showed up to rescue this woman found her lying unconsious on the floor while shoppers milled around her, seemingly oblivious to her injuries. Doesn't that just reek of Christmas spirit?

As for Walmart, that "caring" mass retailer, they have offered to put a DVD player on hold for the victim. Can't even fork a $29 item over for free to a loyal customer who was trampled in their store due to, apparently, a lack of security and order. Even though the item itself probably only cost WalMart $10-$15. Yeah, THAT's the kind of corporation I want to give our hard-earned dollars to.

--Sparki

It's really late, but I didn't want the day to pass without taking the time to post my thanks. My husband left for Missouri Wednesday and won't be back until tomorrow, so I've been alone with the kids & very little time to dash down to the computer. (He's with his parents and uncle, moving his grandparents back up to Nebraska, ane he'll be driving the big rental truck all day tomorrow so please pray for a safe journey back for all of them.)

I have so many things to be thankful for, I don't know quite where to begin.

I guess the most obvious thing to be grateful for is that we have a God who is so loving and merciful, He sent His Son to us, to walk with us, to teach us, to die for us, and to conquer death and sin for us. A flabbergasting truth, really. It blows me away when I think of it.

I should think of it more often.

I'm exceedingly thankful for the Church, too. The Sacraments, the rich traditions, the order, the history, the enormous catalog of prayers and practices that help folks get through life, day by day. I've believed in Christ for a little more than 14 years now, and I've only been Catholic for 7 months -- I honestly don't know how I managed before having the wealth of Catholicism at my disposal.

I'm incredibly thankful to be married to a man who is everything I can respect, honor, love, share with, serve and commit myself to. Okay, he's not perfect, but who cares if his dirty socks never find their way into the laundry basket when the man himself is honest, hard-working, gifted, godly, devoted to his children, selfless, supportive...better stop or I'll never get to bed.

I'm thankful for my kids. Zooey, the child we thought we'd never have after those years of infertility. The joy he takes in every-day things is a constant reminder to me not to get bogged down in my life duties, but to find something to sing about anyway. Who was it that said "A boy is a noise with dirt on it..."? If you make it, "a perpetually moving noise with dirt on it and a disarming smile," that's Zooey. In a good way of course.

Edyn, our second big surprise. She is turning out to be such a tender and affectionate person, "mothering" her dolls already and offering kisses to a picture of a crying child in one of our story books. I grew up in such a...well, hostile family, I used to worry a lot that I would ever be able to create a loving family. Fortunately, God took care of that for me, and He gave Edyn an extra dose of tenderness that I really need, both as an example of how I can parent and as the much-appreciated comfort she provides throughout my day.

And our next big surprise, as yet un-named and unseen by any of us, except in foggy ultrasound shot. All I know about this baby is that he or she will be another blessing...I'm excited to find out in what ways.

I'm thankful that we have a decent home and one decent vehicle and wholesome food to eat. I'm thankful that we're all adequately clothed and live in a relatively safe community. I'm thankful for the many people who take care of us, from our good friends to my husband's extended family (especially Aunt Jeretta, who hosted the children and I today so that we wouldn't be alone on a holiday) to the Bishop and priests of our Diocese who consistently inspire us to holiness.

I'm thankful to live in a world where miracles still happen, where the constellation Orion springs mightily over my neighbor's house with bow stretched to the ready, where Terri Schiavo is still alive, where there are still generous people out there who try to help the needy, where there is great art and music and literature to be enjoyed.

And in a minute, I'll be thankful for my comfortable bed and cotton sheets, with the soft rhythmic breathing of a toddler beside me and prayers in my heart and on my lips.

Good night.

--Sparki

Recall Alert -- Pregnant Moms Please Take Notice!

Since Chirp is down for maintenance, I'm posting this notice in particular:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KB Specialty Foods Has Recalled Deli Chef Sour Cream & Cheese
Macaroni Salad
Reason: Listeria monocytogenes.
Distribution: Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Illinois,
Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, North
Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, Kansas,
Missouri, Oklahoma and Nebraska.

Read Article

Listeria is nothing to be trifled with. An old friend of mine contracted it on Mothers Day 1999 -- her baby was due in September but she went into premature labor and delivered the day after she ate the infected potato salad. Her little girl is a healthy, happy 4-yr-old now, but she almost didn't make it being born so early. And their first years with her were fraught with medical problems, RSV, asthma, you name it.

Listeria can also have terrible effects on the elderly and very small children. So watch out for this, particularly with huge family feasts this weekend.

--Sparki

This op-ed piece is from today's New York Times. I place it here in its entirety because you need to have an on-line subscription to read it and I know not everybody out there does.

-----------

Don't Tell the Pope
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Pope John Paul II would be scandalized if he came to the Roman Catholic hospital here in the poor southwestern part of El Salvador.

Thank God!

The Vatican is increasingly out of touch and exerts a reactionary — even, in this world of AIDS, deadly — influence on health policy in the developing world. Here in El Salvador, church leaders in 1998 helped ban abortions even when necessary to save the life of a woman, and, much worse, helped pass a law, which took effect last month, requiring condoms to carry warnings that they do not protect against AIDS.

In El Salvador, where only 4 percent of women use contraceptives the first time they have sex, this law will mean more kids dying of AIDS. The reality is that condoms no more cause sex than umbrellas cause rain.

Here at the grass roots, the Catholic Church is a vibrant, flexible organization enormously different from the out-of-touch Vatican. At the Catholic-run hospital here in Sonsonate, doctors tell women about IUD's and the pill — and especially about using condoms to protect against AIDS. Their humanitarian work is a reminder that the Catholic Church is much greater than the Vatican: local priests and nuns often ignore the troglodytes in Rome and quietly do what they can to save parishioners from AIDS.

"The bishop is in San Salvador and never comes here," explains Dr. Martha Alica De Regalada. "So we never get in trouble."

The Vatican has consistently opposed condoms and safe-sex education, even claiming falsely that condoms don't protect against AIDS. That's on par with the church under Pope Urban VIII putting Galileo under house arrest — except that this will have more deadly results.

Yet I take my hat off to the much broader Catholic Church that is toiling in the barrios of Latin America and the slums of Africa and Asia. Catholic Relief Services, one of the most vigorous aid organizations in the third world, is an example of humanitarianism at its noblest.

At ground level, priests apply doctrine with a flexibility that must drive the pope wild. In the desperately poor Salvadoran hillside village of Chucita, where campesinos live in shacks without water or electricity, a teacher explained how his fifth-grade class learns about dealing with AIDS.

"A social worker comes in with a banana and puts a condom on it," said the teacher, Eduardo Antonio Ascencio Mata. The priests, he says, have no objection.

In the remote Guatemalan town of Coatepeque, Maryknoll sisters run a first-rate AIDS clinic and prevention program, saving lives on a vast scale. They work with prostitutes and school children and explain how condoms can protect against AIDS.

So what about Vatican teachings?

"Certainly, God does not want us to kill each other," responded Marlene Condon, who works with AIDS patients. "You've got to do something."

Elsewhere in Coatepeque, some priests hold meetings where young people preparing for confirmation learn about AIDS — and condoms.

The Vatican has appointed hard-line bishops to eviscerate liberation theology and bring parishes back into line. Still, the French and German bishops' conferences have urged that condoms be permitted to fight AIDS, and Bishop Kevin Dowling of South Africa is pushing hard for the church to change policy to save lives.

Just this month, Catholics for a Free Choice and 20 other Catholic organizations called on bishops to accept condoms as a way to fight AIDS.

The irony is that no organization does more to help AIDS victims and their orphans than the Catholic Church. Some 25 percent of AIDS care worldwide is provided by church- related groups. Yet the Vatican blindly opposes condoms, even within a marriage when a husband or wife is infected with H.I.V. A member of the Kenyan Parliament has called the church "the greatest impediment in the fight against H.I.V./AIDS."

Let's hope the Vatican will learn from its priests and nuns on the ground, who do so much heroic work fighting the disease. In Coatepeque, I spoke with Father Mario Adolfo Dominguez, who sighed as I grilled him on the theology of condoms.

"We don't recommend the use of condoms, but we're not opposed to their use because we know they prevent AIDS," he said, looking nervous as I wrote down his words. "There is no contradiction between Christianity and a piece of rubber."

----------

My take on this:

Sometimes, good intentions lead to bad outcomes. I understand that the priests and nuns in question believe they are doing the right thing in trying to prevent the spread of AIDS. But you know what? Condoms break. Regularly. And they are misused. Regularly. They only have a 90% success rate in preventing the transmission of AIDS according to the World Health Organization itself (which supports the distribution of condoms to prevent AIDS).

Reality check -- that's like taking all the bullets but one out of a gun held by a suicidal person. If you really, really love a person whose life is at risk, you don't leave them with an opportunity to play Russian Roulette. You take the gun away altogether.

That's what the Vatican says to do. Don't leave folks with a false sense of security in condoms. Tell them the truth -- if you don't want to contract AIDS, then don't have sex outside of a monogamous marriage between two HIV-free people. That's the only way to be sure. That's God's way of making sure.

Is it easy? No. Is it fun? No. Does it require a great deal of self-control and self-sacrifice? You bet. But priests and nuns in particular have the personal experience to help others choose celibacy and succeed in such a lifestyle. That should be their focus, not condom distribution.

--Sparki

Peony and Pansy Moss wax eloquent on the issue of breastfeeding in public today. Don't worry -- nobody's "whipping it out" over there...

--Sparki

It is always terribly hard for me to admit that I've made an error. It is especially hard for me to admit it when I know the error can foist some suffering on my husband and children -- innocents who should't have to pay the price for my personal short-comings. And it's even harder for me to admit when this error has been accomplished in miniscule bits and pieces over a long period of time and it's only the cumulative effect that has made me (and others) finally notice my mistake. I so very much wish my life had a rewind button at times like this.

Oh, the agony of unwinding a large, complicated knot of failure!

--Sparki

Big Purchase

Well, we're using a large chunk of our federal tax refund check for having two children on one item -- a set of bunkbeds and accompanying trundle. A store here was having a sale on the bunks and then you got either the trundle or a drawer unit free. Since we're about to have three kids, we opted for the trundle. For now, we're planning on just setting up the lower bunk for Zooey and using the trundle for Edyn. Kids aren't supposed to be on a top bunk until they are six anyway (and Zoo is only 4). Plus Edyn is climbing ladders now, and I hate to think of what predicaments she could get herself into if there was a ladder in the bedroom.

Zooey is extremely happy with the purchase, even though he knows he won't get a top bunk until he turns six. We're pretty happy with it too -- got a good price on it and it's solid wood and seems well made. It should be in town on Tuesday of next week. My next project is finding a twin mattress that will fit the trundle. We wanted to use a local mattress company (always buy local when we can), but the thinnest they have is 7" and that's about an inch and a half too thick. I also have to lay in a supply of bedding -- Zooey is still in a toddler bed with his old crib mattress right now. I use the fitted crib sheets for him, and on top, he's got one of the old flat sheets from our full-sized bed, which I cut in half and seamed to make two flat sheets for his toddler bed. And his blanket is a cotton alfghan that he adopted last winter as his own. Now I'll have to buy twin mattress covers, twin sheets and twin blankets, I guess. I will eventually make the kids each a quilt, but I doubt I can get it done before the winter's out, as limited as my time is.

Aside from bookshelves and a couple side tables from Target, this is actually only the second time my husband and I have purchased a new piece of furniture in the whole 9.5 years we've been married, if you can believe it. Our house is pretty much all decorated in Early American Cast-Off. The living room couch used to be his parents, the Big Red Chair and giant ottoman from Ethan Allen that everybody loves once belonged to the people who hired me as a nanny. The dining room set was my grandmother's, the bedroom set was my husband's great-grandfather's, and all four of the other dressers used to belong to somebody or other. Yeah, four dressers. One is the changing table with Edyn's clothing, one holds Zooey's clothes and spare towels, one sits in the living room and contains the TV, VCR, tapes and cds, and the remaining one is a series of junk drawers these days. I have this idea that I can trade in the Queen Anne dining room table & buffet and the last two dressers (also Queen Anne) for an antique Mission style dining room table, chairs and buffet, but I haven't been brave enough to try. We like Mission best and aren't really fond of Queen Anne, but I hear QA is coming back in vogue. Maybe it's possible that the desire for mission is falling off and I might find some savvy antique store owner who would jump at the chance to unload Mission in favor of QA. Then we'd all be happy.

--Sparki

Question about Holy Water

Our parish has a -- for lack of a better word -- dispenser filled with Holy Water that apparently anyone may use. What sort of container is appropriate to take Holy Water home in? I know some folks annoint their kids with Holy Water as a regular blessing -- how else may it be used?

(And please forgive the silly questions -- as I've said numerous times, the Catholic faith is so complex, I keep unearthing wonderous new traditions and practices that I can make my own.)

--Sparki

Submissive Wives

Mrs. Dashwood has posted some very sensible statements on a woman's duty to submit to her husband, all of which I whole-heartedly agree with.

My husband and I discussed these things before we were married, and what it has basically worked out to be is that we work toward a unified agreement whenever possible. But when it's not, my role is to submit and my husband's role is to never ask me to do so, nor to comment on my submission (either in terms of gloats or thanks). It's worked out well for us. Of course, in 9 years of marriage, I can count on just a few fingers the times I've had to "force" myself to submit. I may have had a differing opinion if it was a daily (or hourly) occurance.

--Sparki

Goody!!


Flannery O'Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes
your notice.


Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here I thought I was going insane, but really, my life is just a Flannery O'Connor novel. That makes it so much easier to accept. I just love Flannery O'Connor. (Although if my quiz answers would have produced "Jane Austen" I would have been equally pleased).

Hey, darling husband of mine, if you happen to be reading this, would you please consider putting "Mary Flannery" back onto our potential baby names list?

--Sparki

Gee, thanks for telling me not to worry if my daughter wants to copy you, Britney but if you don't mind, I'd worry. I'd worry a whole bunch if my little girl decided it was okay to use her talents to spew sexually explicit lyrics over the airways, show off her body to sell her albums, openly admit to premarital sexual relations that were "a mistake" and to practice open-mouthed kissing with another woman in front of a national television audience.

Just my opinion, of course. But then, I'm a 39-year-old woman who has been around the block a few times and you're just 21 so you'll have to forgive me for thinking I might know more about the effects of your actions than you do.

--Sparki

Proud Mommy Boast

Actually, I'll brag in a minute. First, I'll confess that I let Zooey watch The Wizard of Oz last night. I found out today that it's on the Vatican's list of "approved" family movies, so that's okay. But I also forgot that most kids are frightened to death of various parts of the movie. It never bothered me when I was a kid. I figured Zooey would enjoy it.

Well, a half hour into it, I had to hold him on my lap and tell him that Dorothy was going to be just fine even though she couldn't get into the basement. "She's going on a special trip," I said. "She's going to make some new friends and help some people, and then she'll come back home again." Inside, I chastened myself for jumping the gun. I offered to shut the movie off if it was making him sad, but Zooey said no, and I thought it might be better for him to see the happy ending. I just forgot all the stuff that happens in between.

He watched the movie intently, and I watched him intently. He was nervous when Dorothy got to Oz -- "I'm worried. How will she get home to her bed?"

I assured Zooey that things would turn out just right & Dorothy would get home again, and that satisfied him. A little bit down the yellow brick road, and Zooey looked concerned again. He wasn't so sure about the scarecrow. I explained it was just a guy in a scarecrow costume, and that he was going to be a good friend. He accepted that and returned to enjoying the movie. I prepared him for the apple trees, the tin man, and the lion in the same way, and we got through those.

Then the poppy scene came on, and Zoo got very agitated. "They need help!" he exclaimed, a little panicky. I held him close while we waited for Glinda's snow to awaken Dorothy, Toto and the Lion. Then I prepared him for the Wizard -- "It's just a guy who wants everybody to think he's scary, but he's really not. He shows people a movie that is supposed to scare them, but in the end, you'll see he's just a regular guy."

I'd forgotten about the flying monkey bit -- in fact, I think that was edited out for TV when I was a kid. But Zooey took that in stride, saying something about all the boys in "monkey Halloween costumes." When Dorothy was carried off, he said, "She needs her dog!" and he was actually happy that a monkey nabbed Toto because the dog and girl would be together. But he just about collapsed when he saw Toto stashed in a picnic basket. "What are they going to do to the dog?" he moaned, tearing up a little. I told him Toto would get away, and just then the little canine popped out of the basket and escaped. Again, I offered to turn off the TV, but Zooey refused, and I concluded that the happy ending would be in order.

To my amazement, the chase and cornering bit didn't bother Zooey at all. Nor did the Scarecrow getting set on fire. It's almost like he knew Dorothy would come to the rescue. Then he was happy that the "witch in a bad mood" was gone and everybody would get what they needed from the Wizard.

But in the last Oz scene, when Dorothy is finally going home, Zooey started to cry. "She has to say good-bye to her friends," he explained. I hugged him close and reminded him that he has to say good-bye to his friends, too, but they always get to see each other again in a few days.

So, bad mommy for letting Zooey watch a movie that was too intense for him. But I am so glad that Zooey is an empathetic child, who worries about the safety and feelings of other people. Even pretend people on a TV screen.

That's the really mommy boast. But I'll throw in another. Zooey's learning to sing "Away in a Manger" at preschool for the Christmas pageant, complete with hand gestures. He is so darn CUTE when he sings it for me, raising his hands and wiggling his fingers to represent "...the stars in the sky..." So, racking up the "bad mommy" points, I'm going to ask my husband to record Zooey singing the carol (my husband can play along on guitar) and make copies that I can send to all the grandparents. I'll be kind (or at least cheap) and not send it out with Christmas cards, though.

--Sparki

This is old news about a crib toy made in China that utters a rhythmic "I hate you" message over and over again, but it just came to my attention.

A mother interviewed in the article speculates that the Chinese put the message in on purpose. "China is no friend of ours," she says.

Well, you wouldn't think so if you inspected most of the products on today's store shelves. I tried to do some Christmas shopping over the weekend (I want to get it all out of the way before I get too enormous pregnancy-wise), and while I was able to easily pick out some board games for nieces and nephews that were made in the U.S.A. and a couple other friendly nations, I struck out on infant toys. I must have looked at every single infant toy available, and without fail, they were all made in China.

Because of Chinese policy on family size, euthanasia and religion, I do my best not to buy anything made in China. And boy, it's tough to do and still maintain a budget. I buy almost all my kids' clothing used, except shoes & undies. Well, I might buy a pair of dress shoes used, if there was little or no wear showing on them, but not for every-day shoes. But I can't afford to spend $38 on a pair of kids' shoes that my young ones will wear less than a year. The obvious choice is to go to Payless, but every single pair of shoes that I've ever inspected there have been made in China. (The web site doesn't tell you this, btw. You have to look at the shoe itself.) And even though I'm just representing one small U.S. family, I feel compelled to "vote with my pocketbook" and avoid Chinese-made items when I can.

Still, I have had to give in on occasion. Edyn's wearing a pair of Payless shoes right now. I regret it, but at the time it was a choice between a shoeless child and buying one under-$10 item made in China. Siiiigh.

I wish more people who are opposed to Chinese policies would be more diligent about the items they buy. But it is sooo hard. You can't even count on a Catholic bookstore to avoid stocking China-made merchandise. I bought some Christmas ornaments at our local Catholic bookstore last year, thinking for sure that they'd be okay, but when I got home and took them out of the packaging, I was stunned to see every last one of them was stamped "Made in China."

But does this woman in the article have a point that the Chinese are purposely trying to hurt our kids? Well, thinking back on the recalls I've seen, last year there were Gymboree stuffed toys made in China that had to be recalled because they had needles and sharp metal chards sewn into them. And just a few weeks ago, there was another recall for Chinese-made Lamaze toys coated in lead paint. In fact, Chinese manufacturers routinely have recalls due to lead paint. They keep painting that crap on baby toys and sending it over. Are they trying to hurt our young?

I wouldn't put it past them. After all, they gamely slaughter thousands of their own babies every year.

Please, if you disagree with Chinese policy like I do, pay attention to the items you are purchasing and find alternatives to "Made in China" whenever you can. If enough of us do our part, the trade relationship our nation has with China will soon begin to crumble. You can also write companies like Gymboree and Lamaze, who are supposed to be family-friendly, and ask them to be more careful in choosing their manufacturers. Meanwhile, know that the more you support U.S. manufacturers, the more they will be able to compete on price.

--Sparki